Disillusion
by Iori-chan-sempai
Summary: [Innocent Venus] JinxJo, entire series spoilers. The illusion is broken, and trying to put it back together will only give you thousands of tiny cuts.


I.  
_I want you,_ Jin had said. It was such an odd concept to him that he'd paused in the cleaning and examination of his gun to look up at him with a confused expression. Jin had been visibly amused from the reaction he got, but he simply settled himself next to him in order to explain. _I don't know how to put it. There's something about you, Katsuragi... I feel like you should be locked away, untouched and coveted. Forever perfect._

His eyebrow quirked at the words, perfect? Jin had no idea how wrong he was. He was bruised and chipped, beaten and torn, until he was finally hammered into the jagged vessel he was today... but 'perfect' he said. His partner had looked all too pleased at the effect his words had on him, and Jin took the usual silence as a welcomed response. But for the first time in forever, he had found his voice spilling out of him before he could stop himself.

"Jo."

Jin started at the sound, almost giving him a grim satisfaction, _What?_ But he didn't speak. In a moment, Jin blinked at him, and then suddenly smiled, _Oh,_ Jin had said and stifled a chuckle, _so you've officially accepted me as your partner, Jo?_

He might have considered an answer if he weren't holding back a startled gasp. The moment Jin uttered his name, he was sure it wouldn't sound as good from anyone else's lips.

II.  
_How can you sleep?_ Jin had asked, after his eyes snapped open from the mere sound of his approach. He didn't know how to answer, so he merely shifted his position and closed his eyes once more. He heard Jin chuckle briefly, it was a calming sound, he thought. A rustle and brush of something against his arm confirmed that Jin was taking a seat. _There's no way you can actually be asleep if you're always waking up from the littlest things._

He opened his eyes and turned towards Jin, but he wasn't facing him anymore, simply staring to the stars. _You're always on guard, huh?_ Jin's face was bathed in moonlight, making him glow with a silver light. He was too lost in his thoughts to realize that Jin had started speaking. _I'll take the watch tonight, you can sleep._ Before he could object, Jin shook his head, _I'll be right here. If anything happens, you'll know immediately._ He wore an incredulous expression, growing more amazed and bemused as Jin took a gentle hold on him. Jin smiled at him reassuringly, then pulled him against his chest.

He was shocked at the action, eyes wide, but before he could protest, Jin's arms wrapped around him._ Rest and leave this to me, Jo,_ Jin said, and he felt his eyelids growing heavier, lulled by the proposition of true sleep, the warmth of another... he could feel Jin's chest move with each breath he took, hear his heart beating in his ears. He inhaled the silky scent of a paradise previously unknown to him, and, overwhelmed by comfort, closed his eyes.

"I feel... I can trust you, somehow."

It was a soft murmur, he was unaware how it came out. But Jin just smiled, and ran a hand through his hair softly. He would never forget the first night of his memory that he embraced slumber, or the soft touch of Jin's fingers on his scalp. He was sure that from that day forward he'd go anywhere that Jin was willing to lead him.

III.  
"I loved you and Sana," Jin tells him, and his world is collapsing. The stinging of a betrayal he refuses to believe is offset by words he's only heard in dreams, now twisted cruelly with the past tense and mocked. He watches as Jin becomes something he never knew as he casually barters with the enemy. Any glow of kindness gone from his eyes, and it makes him feel sick to his stomach when he is forced to realize the reality. The denial and disbelief in his heart give way to anger and grief. How dare he, whom Sana had trusted, whom _he_ had trusted, whom he had-- whom he had...

Jin interrupts his thoughts with a smile unlike the ones he's grown to adore. Jin mentions how talkative he's been, and it's funny because he doesn't even know how he is able to breathe, much less speak under this crushing pressure. Jin walks to him, but he can't move a muscle as he puts his arm around him, and presses his chest against his own. The embrace is a joke, showcased in jest of his fleeting memories of their intimate moments. "Jo," Jin murmurs. He can feel his breath, and for a second, he can pretend that nothing is wrong.

The illusion is broken with a simple thrust of a knife in the hands of a traitor.

"Jin... this has to be a lie..."

But it isn't.

IV.  
Only after the fact would he realize that what Jin wanted was his strength, his power and his ease, that more than anything else, he wanted his persona. Jin had placed him on a pedestal, one with a golden plate proclaiming his invincibility. But even the most sophisticated defenses have chinks in their armor, and his was extravagantly proclaimed by the 2-inch long scar on his abdomen.

He could laugh at the misconceptions Jin had thought about him. He wasn't all as strong as he had believed, especially not after holding the broken man in his arms and watching him come to his senses. He felt the warmth of his touch against his cheek, heard his name sweet upon those lips, had Jin's gaze centered completely and solely on him... all for the last time. His final smile was an apology, confession and expression of relief all in one, and it was enough to leave him in shambles. Was that strength?

Someone strong would be able to let go, but he hasn't moved a step from the makeshift grave beneath ruined rubble and the shattered piano where Jin lays. Someone strong would be able to carry all the agony and burden of existence and still be able to live their life.

"I'd follow you anywhere, Jin. Even into the depths of Hell."

He was not someone strong.

"I'm sorry, Sana. It looks like I won't be able to keep my promise after all..."

_"This is something that can never be undone." The words were whispered against his neck, a warning from Jin. But he was caught up in the feelings, in the presence of Jin, and he took in a silent, shuddering gasp and foolishly disregarded it._

"If there's anything you want from me... I'll give it all to you, Jin."

_And Jin smiled._


End file.
